Thursday, February 17, 2011

My doctor has a "Napoleon Dynamite" poster in his office.

Some people freak out when their favorite hairstylist announces she's retiring or moving.  Other people have a certain mechanic they've gone to with every car over the last three decades, and they just don't trust anyone else to take care of them.

I have a doctor I saw at various times throughout my pregnancy, who was there while I was in labor, and who performed my three subsequent surgeries.

And he's retiring in July.

Well, "retiring" from private practice.  He and his wife are actually going on a two-year appointment to provide medical care to suffering people in Africa.

Leaving me here without a specialist/surgeon I trust.  Those selfish jerks.

What's funny is, a lot of people don't care for my doc's bedside manner.  He's very dry, and direct, and a bit sarcastic.  He makes jokes that are probably inappropriate.  But I love that.  My way of dealing with things that bother me is to joke about it, so I'm perfectly comfortable with someone else doing the same thing.  I'll give you some examples from my appointment with him yesterday.

(after first coming in the room)  Doc:  You again.  No offense, but I never want to see your insides again.  I thought your husband was going to punch me last time.

(discussing my case history)  Doc:  So, what do you have left in there?  I don't remember what we did to you last time.
Me:  I've got my right tube and half my right ovary left.  During the last surgery you took out the remains of my left ovary and tube.
Doc (reading chart):  So we did.  And a cyst on your right ovary.  Oh, and did I tell you we found another dermoid (ed. note:  nasty type of tumor I had problems with before) already growing on your left ovary again?
Me:  No...
Doc:  Oh, well you had another little dermoid already there again.  So...good thing we got that out.

(while Doc was palpating my abdomen for masses)  Me:  Okay, that spot really hurts.
Doc:  It should, that's your ovary.  It'd be like someone squashing one of my testicles.

The long and short of the appointment ended up being that I need to temporarily come off birth control, as it's making me really sick and the hormones can increase the risk of tumors and cysts (which have been the cause of all my problems in the past).

The part that was a little bit harder to take is that, given how little of my reproductive system I have left, the Doc shot straight with me and said that any kids I want to have, I probably need to have now.  (The timing of your next youngun is an issue I've dissected here before.)  He even left with the statement that, "Next time you're in here, I want to see you knocked up."

Well, if he wants to be a traitor and abandon me in July, he's going to be disappointed, because that would be a bit soon.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Almost two years ago I saw a dermatologist because I had a mole in my ear that concerned me, as well as a weird toenail that turned out to be viral (weird).
The doctor came in and was....gorgeous. I mean, wow. She checked the ear and said it was very common and nothing of concern. She then said "Anything else you want me to look at?" and Joe Cool blushed like I was in the seventh grade. Then she says "Don't be shy, you can show me anything you want". Now sweating profusely I told her I had a REALLY ugly toenail but was too embarassed to show her. She reassured me several times, and convinced me to remove my shoe and sock. Then this gorgeous woman says "That isn't ugly at all", holds my foot to her nose and says "Your feet don't even stink". I was smitten.

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