Friday, April 8, 2011

Come on, come on, livin' for the money...

I'm going to be flat-out honest here.  The #1-with-a-gold-star sin I struggle with from day to day is worry.  I worry about everything.  I worry about my son's developmental progress.  I worry about the same thing for my nieces and nephew.  I worry about my Children's Church kids and my friends' kids.  I worry about my friends' pregnancies.

I'm a hypochondriac.  Yesterday I managed to diagnose myself with a (benign, at least) pituitary tumor, hypothyroidism, and ovarian cancer...all before lunch.

I avoid going to the doctor out of fear they'll decide I need yet another surgery or medication.  And I would panic at the idea of another operation.

Not because surgery is dangerous and really, really hurts.  Because I can't afford it.

And there's my biggest issue.  All my smaller fears lead back to my one great worry...money.

I worry about the bills and saving for my son's education and buying him clothes that fit and birthday presents.  I worry about how mountains of medical debt affect my credit score.  I worry I'll never be able to afford to go back to school and finish my degree.

I don't even worry about only my own finances, either.  I worry about my sisters and their families, and how they're making do.  I worry about my friends I know are struggling.  I worry about my church's finances, and even the government budget.

Worry, worry, worry.  And it's a sin.  A big one.

But a lot of us don't realize that.  We've heard all the Bible verses about not being able to add a day to your life with worry, and how God cares for all the sparrows, and so on and so forth.  But, in general, we still consider worry a victimless crime.  After all, if you're worrying yourself sick, you're only hurting yourself, right?

No.  Worry is blasphemy.  Worry is telling God that you don't trust Him to take care of you.  And if you don't believe God can provide for your needs, why are you even a Christian?

Aside from the major, major issue of distrusting God, worry hurts the people around you.  Your worry hurts your family.  For me to worry about money hurts my husband, makes him feel like he's not doing a good enough job providing for us.  And, although he's just a baby, don't you think my son senses my fears and internalizes them?

So I'm addressing my worry, head-on, and doing things to control it.  Having a hobby, like this blog, really helps.  I also notice I don't worry about money when I'm reading my Bible, or praying, or listening to Neal Diamond.  (It is not physically possible to stress out while you're listening to "Cracklin' Rose".)

I'm not going to ignore my problems.  But there are too many things to rejoice and be joyful about instead of letting worry consume my mind.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow, you've been resding MY mail. Possibly my biggest struggle. Being later in life I also worry that my retirement won't be funded enough, that I may die before having adequate $ to leave my wife, children, grand-children....

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