Thursday, January 13, 2011

My imaginary mom-friends

I think most people would agree that, when you have a kid, the group of people you hang out with changes. There's nothing wrong with that; it's just the natural passage of time.

The problem I had was, once I had my son, my interests changed so drastically that I stopped hanging around with my old gang before I'd found suitable replacements. And making friends with other moms is hard. It's like being back in high school and trying to break the impenetrable walls around the cliques there, only, with moms, it's not whether you have the right brand clothes or shoes, but whether you have the right whole-grain natural snacks and organic juice boxes (made from recycled materials).

I had a sense that this was how guys must feel getting shot down at bars. I'd be sitting next to another mom at the playground and try to introduce myself, ask which kid is hers, etc. only to get the coldest one-word answers before the inevitable brush-off. It really, really sucked.

So I found myself daydreaming about what it'd be like to be friends with some of the ultra-cool female celebrities that seemed like they'd make great moms. Women like...

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. They're smart, and funny, and just seem so overwhelmingly self-confident. They'd be the friends I could drink coffee and talk politics with and my topical humor wouldn't go over their heads. We'd be constantly one-upping each other with sassy one-liners, and they would know all sorts of interesting things I didn't. They also seem like they'd be the type of friends to have your back in a fight even if they've never thrown a punch in their combined lives. (After getting our butts handed to us in a fight, we'd later regale those who weren't there with the hilarious story of it, interrupting each other with forgotten details.)

Christina Hendricks. The hourglass silhouette queen in a Hollywood full of stick figures. I looked it up once, and she and I actually have almost identical measurements, so she would be my friend whose closet I could raid. Despite being full-figured, everything she wears looks amazing on her, and she's almost as pale as I am, so I know she would have all sorts of great style tips that I could take advantage of. She's also not afraid to eat, so she'd be cool with digging into a carton of Ben and Jerry's with me after a rough day. Plus she plays Joan Holloway on "Mad Men", one of the coolest characters on one of the coolest shows. and she could gives me spoilers before they air and tell me, for real, if Jon Hamm is as dreamy as he seems on t.v.

Jessica Biel. She could be my goody-two-shoes friend. You never hear a lot of drama about her in the press and the paparazzi only seems to ever photograph her going to or leaving the gym. After I'd gotten in a bar fight with Tina and Amy and recounted it to Christina over a bucket of Cherry Garcia, Jessica would be the friend to drag me to the gym the next morning, where she'd proceed to kick my butt all over the stairmill and lecture me about getting my act together, never breaking a sweat while I gasped for air trying to keep up.

There you have it, the ladies I consider some of the coolest women in show biz. And, if on the off-chance any of you girls are reading this, wanna hang? I promise not to tip the paps off (unless they bribe me with lots and lots of money).

So who would you pick to be your celebrity friends? Answer in the comments or on our facebook page.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm not a Mom, in fact I'm a guy, but I too dream of being friends with Christina Hendricks and Jessica Biel.

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