Friday, April 1, 2011

:REDACTED:

This website (termed "8-Pound Preemie") has been suspended due to violations of the Patriot Act, specifically provisions regarding Internet Security and Dissemination of Sensitive Information.  All persons with connection to the aforementioned properties are charged with the following Class II felonies:

I.          Unlicensed distribution of satire
II.         Inciting outrage against an elected official
III.       Dissemination of classified medical information
IV.       Multiple traffic violations
V.        Promoting alcoholism to minors
VI.       Vandalism and health code violations via spread of bodily fluids
VII.      Attempts to impede industry through criticism of lactation consultants
VIII.    Overt socialist leanings
IX.       Inciting mistrust of medical professionals
X.        Slander, with an attempt to cause financial harm
XI.       Blatant self-promotion with goal of monetary gain
XII.      Stalking
XIII.     Encouraging mental illness in a minor dependent
XIV.     Violating copyright statute
XV.      Promoting and abetting truancy of a minor
XVI.     Encouraging racism against the good people of Cary Township
XVII.   Unlicensed possession of more than two cats in a residence
XVIII.  Thought crime

Those who have been lending support to this website through readership should consider themselves charged as accomplices and immediately turn themselves in to law enforcement for processing.

1 comment:

1st-Time Mommy said...

hey guys i managed to swipe an iphone from 1 of the guards so i gotta do this quick. pretty sure i'm in gitmo. someone call my lawyer please. and maybe the ny times. (all the other media is controlled by THEM)

the president is here with me. the man you're seeing on tv is a reptilian shapeshifter clone.

Post a Comment