Monday, May 9, 2011

My brilliant new marketing strategy...

First off, let me say that I had an amazing Mother's Day weekend.  My son's awesome preschool teacher had a ton of goodies the kids helped make for us, including a framed poem with my baby's handprints and a photo of him.  (Though they did have to rearrange the layout on my son's poem/handprints/photo collage, since his hands are so much bigger than any of the other kids'.  The trials of having a giant baby never cease.)

And my husband made me breakfast in bed Sunday morning whilst presenting me with a vase of gorgeous flowers.  I'm not much of a botanist, but they look like something that would grow wild in a field while Julie Andrews twirls around and sings.  I showed a blurry cell phone photo of them to my friend who knows flowers, and she thinks they're marigolds and shasta daisies.  Either way, they're really pretty, and beat the crap out of cliched roses.

For my mom and stepmom, I baked heart-shaped cookie cakes from scratch, and decorated them all pretty and fancy.  I don't usually cook anything that requires more than a toaster, so this was a real labor of love, coming from me.  (Also, I managed to procure two Mother's Day gifts, my friend's baby shower gifts, and my niece's birthday gifts, all for under $100.  Yay frugal me!)

On the subject of cookies, I'm sure you've seen the new DiGiorno Pizza & Cookies packages.  My husband and I love these, because we often eat pizza and cookies on Saturday nights when we stay up late without the baby and forget about eating healthy.  Buying those two things together is easier and cheaper.

But it got me to thinking, what other unexpected objects might be cleverly packaged together?  How about...

Book of Leviticus bible study guides, and espresso shots.  Hey, I love reading my Bible, and I'm trying to do a better job with it, but Leviticus is a snoozefest.  You need a little extra caffeine to power through.

Ben & Jerry's gallon icecream, with four-day supply of Midol.  What?  When are you most likely to binge on icecream?

Complete boxed set of Jena Malone movies, and Prozac.  I love Jena Malone.  She's one of my favorite actresses.  But if she's in a movie, someone is going to die in a really depressing way (usually her).  The happiest movie I can remember her being in was "Saved!", and that was about a Christian school teenager getting pregnant by her gay boyfriend and being subsequently ostracized by the hypocritical popular clique.  Also, Macauley Culkin is a paraplegic in it.

First Response home pregnancy test, and pint of Mad Dog 20/20.  The Mad Dog is for the wife if it's negative, and for the husband if it's positive.

Hydroxycut with formal wear accessories.  I don't think I can name a single woman who doesn't want to lose weight to better fit into a wedding or prom dress.  Tiaras and all that other mess is already expensive.  Just factor the costs of diet pills into the price.

So, how do I go about getting the patents on these ideas?  Does it cost anything?  If so, I'll just wait until someone tries to use one and then I'll sue for royalties, using this blog as evidence.

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