Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I'm fine with my husband's crush.

As busy parents, it's so important that my husband maintain a routine of things that we do as a married couple, times that are set aside just for us.

Of course with family, friends, work, church, our son's activities, etc., there are few opportunities for us to do this.  That's why we always keep Monday nights open, to watch "our stories".  During the regular fall season, we never miss an episode of "House".  During the summer, we obsess like teen girls over "TrueBlood".

For those of you who might not be aware, "TrueBlood" is a show about vampires and other supernatural creatures (and some plain old humans) living in Louisiana.  It's based off a series of books I love, and it's very adult-themed.  (It comes off HBO, if that explains it some.)

Also, about 95% of the cast are just drop-dead (haha "dead") gorgeous.

My husband has a little bit of a crush on the actress who plays the vampire Jessica, a beautiful and talented young woman named Deborah Ann Woll.  It's not like he specifically watches other stuff just because she's in it or has a picture of her as his desktop background or anything.  He just has a really obvious soft-spot for "Jessica".

And I'm totally okay with it.  I may not be attracted to her, but I can objectively say she is a stunningly beautiful girl.  And it's not like my husband compares me unfavorably to her, or even mentions her outside of the context of the show.  Plus, she's a tall, pale, blue-eyed redhead, and I'm a tall, pale, blue-eyed, (currently) redhead.  No jealousy here.

That and I would have to be a total hypocrite because my husband is well-aware that I (and just about every other woman who watch the show) get real giggly over Alexander Skarsgard, who plays "Eric".

Then yesterday, I read this article by a blogger whom I often follow and sometimes agree with.  In it, she writes about how she initiated a conversation with her husband about the casual portrayal of sex in the media, and that somehow led them to agree to not give more than an initial glance at other attractive people.

In the article, she quotes Matthew 5:28, "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Now, I don't want to get into a big scriptural dissection here, but I think there is a huge difference between noticing an attractive person and looking at them with "lustful intent".

'Cause if I'm not supposed to more than glance at people who are nice to look at, I might as well go ahead and pluck out both eyes now.

Maybe I'm surrounded by pretty people, or maybe my standards are just low, but I see a lot of attractive people over the course of the day.  Do I need to start avoiding eye contact with my good-looking friends and co-workers?

What about entertainment?  Can I no longer watch movies because they're just chock-full of people I'm likely to find attractive?

How does my weird little schoolgirl-type crush on Alan Rickman factor into this?  He's not much to look at, but it's his voice I just love anyway.  Can I never watch "Die Hard" again?  Or do I just have to mute it and read the subtitles?

What about the book I'm writing?  I'm about 40 pages into a rough draft for a novel I started last week.  And there will most likely, at some point, be romantic attractions between some of the characters.  Therefore I have to write attractive characters, for which I have to imagine attractive characters.

Sorry, but I find the "no more than a glance" rule incredibly strict and, honestly, likely impossible.  There is a huge difference between actively "lusting" and just passively "looking".  One is sin and the other is just being human.

In the article I'm referencing, the blogger wrote about how these glances at other people created insecurities in herself and in her husband.  These leads me to believe they are treating a symptom, and not the disease.

If I'm so insecure that it makes me feel bad for my husband to acknowledge the obvious (like, that Deborah Ann Woll is a very attractive woman), I probably need to start by working on my own self-esteem issues.

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