The Easter Story...for toddlers

I'm writing this while I distract my toddler with the DVD of "Tangled", so I'm still on mommy-duty today.  Forgive me if the post is disjointed or feels like it was written in spurts (because it was).

Last year, Easter with my son was pretty easy.  He was only 9 months old, so getting a bite of chocolate candy was the pinnacle of his involvement.

This year, he's already been in multiple Easter egg hunts, met the Easter Bunny, and has been taught the little story about what jelly bean colors mean.  (It only applies to basic colors, not Jelly Belly flavors like popcorn and margarita.)

And, judging by the way he is totally absorbed in the plot of "Tangled" (though his favorite character appears to be the horse), I feel like he's old enough to learn a little bit about the Easter Story.

But, obviously, I'm not going to give him the full "The Passion" rundown.  So, I think this is the gist of the Easter Story I'll tell my son.

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The Book of I Samuel (as directed by Christopher Nolan)

Over the years, there have been many movies made off Bible stories.  Most of them are terrible.

The terrible movies run the gamut from low-budget, overacted Bible School schlock, to trashy, intentionally sacrilegious made-for-tv schlock.  (Does anyone remember the made-for-tv "Samson and Delilah" miniseries?  No?  You're lucky.)

Even the big budget movies haven't fared much better.  "The Ten Commandments" is a classic, but that movie's 40 years old, and the acting is terrible.  (It probably doesn't help that I can't watch it without yelling, "The golden calf is people!  It's people!")  Plus, Charlton Heston kind of ruined everything by just becoming a crazy old guy who was way too in love with his guns.

Then we had "The Passion" which was awesome, but also kind of ruined when we found out that, true to what everyone was saying, Mel Gibson really is a crazy racist who is way too in love with graphic depictions of torture.

So, that leaves the best Bible movie in 20 years to be "Prince of Egypt", and that was a cartoon (great songs, though).

What we need is a big, sprawling, epic movie (or series of movies) based on a story that's full of action, betrayal, torn loyalties, all that jazz.  If movies like "Troy" and "300" can be wildly successful, there's no reason that 1 Samuel can't be the next period epic blockbuster.

Being the awesome movie producer I am, I've even figured out the casting.

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